There is really no reason for this flag at the left, it just happens to have come in my email from the New Orleans Neighborhood Rebuilding Plan and I like it... I like it a lot.So there... I realized earlier this week that not only is tomorrow my birthday, this whole week has been sort of a symbolic closure to not just one year of unmitigated disaster, but ten years of turmoil, frustration and creative enervation. Ten years ago this week, I had a seizure on the freeway that should have killed me, but I got away with a seriously smashed up hand, and a new neurologist. The point in and of itself was the culmination of a long process that included a major personal depression and a full year of the roller coaster nightmare that was my partner's cancer diagnosis, treatment, surgery, and further treatment. I have always attributed the particular timing of the event to my body - with Marsha safe and also out of town - finally declaring, "OKAY... my turn for a breakdown!"
These thoughts came to me during my attempt (relatively unsuccessful, but valiant nonetheless) to force myself into a sort of year end reflective retreat. As I urged myself to look back on decades of achievement (and un-achievement) I became keenly aware of how fallow my creative ground has been over the last ten years, as compared to times before. I could go on and on, and some of you who read this know exactly what I mean... but I won't. The exile is over.
I decided to take that as a signpost... a new direction... a way out and a way home.
I hereby plant my flag... August 2005 - August 2006 has been a transition year of chaos in the same way that the year of August 1995 - August 1996 was a transition year of chaos. The decade in between I have decided to give over to the gods and goddesses as time sacrificed for love, learning, growth, heart, hope and new direction.
It's time to start again... It's time to retrieve the harps from the trees, to recall the songs forgotten and look to the journey ahead.
As Fast Eddie (played by Paul Newman) says at the end of The Color Of Money...
I'm back!
5 comments:
Welcome back.
I think august 97 to august 98 (plus one week in sept 98 - www.paulhorrell.com/californiaForWeb.mov) you were back in the game.
But then I'm a little biased.
I hope this new chapter can be ushed in by another week in the surf, this time the 50th state. You'd regret it forever if you didn't make it. I know I would.
There is something bold and beautiful about a Declaration of a New Era, about reclaiming harps ands songs and leaving the riparian banks alone for awhile. Happy Birthday! May you enter into a wild ride of joy, abundance, delight and challenge with Love as your companion and Peace as your center. en
Oh yeah, happy birthday from me and Kate (who's 24 today) too. I guess it ain't belated cos we're ahead over here.
Happy birthday! Happy new beginnings! Happy you! J.
P.S. Is that you in the video surfing?
I'm in the video... but it's not me surfing.
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