By this time next week I will have been in San Francisco for nearly 48 hours. Each time I go back it's a different experience from the last. This time I feel very divided and somewhat lost. I've been trying to settle my feet (and my heart and my soul) into the two locations, my two homes... my two lovers. Each one has a different personality, a different heartbeat, a different taste, a different smell. Each one wears different clothes and likes to do (and be) different things. I love them both... I feel at home in both... but I continue to feel torn. I continue to feel like The Lost Dutchman, never quite home in any port, but never free either.
What I do know about this trip is that it will provide me with much needed rest. It will also give me time to think, and meditate. I will walk the labyrinths at Grace Cathedral and get to visit my daughter. We'll stand together in the Nave of the Cathedral on Easter morning as they slowly open the giant gold doors (which only happens twice a year) and proclaim the Good News to the whole world.
I'll pop in at Dempsey's and have a beer with my California friends.
Somewhere along the way, I hope to find my way back into myself in a way that doesn't happen on a regular basis amidst the ongoing chaos of New Orleans after the storm.
The strange thing this time is that I am not feeling the deep need to go back that I have felt on past occassions. I feel more whole, less needy, and less confused. But I need this trip anyway.
I will, at the very least, rejuvenate my soul at the center of the labyrinth and by the sea, and afterward I'll return from The City to The Crescent City recharged and ready to take on what's next.
1 comment:
the West Coas is always glad to have you back, and the last days of Lent and Holy Week are deep and wide times for refletion. Deep peace of the rumming wave to you! en
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